Entry: The Daddy Question Monday, December 02, 2013

What does it mean to be my Daddy?

I asked you this question, without really knowing how to answer it myself. I suppose I was curious to know what you were attempting, so that I could shape my expectations to it. I should have known better. You always want to know my mind, and what may please me. It's been long enough that I am afraid to post this at all.

Part of it -- a large part -- is accepting and caring for my Little Self. I am not entirely an adult, you know. I need to be safe allowing my adult brain to shut off, and my inner five year old needs the same things as a chronological child. I will talk about my Little Self in the third person, for the purposes of clarity in this writing. In truth, I don't think of it as a separate personality, only a part of me that is usually hidden.

L.S. loves bubble baths. Oh, my adult brain does as well, but that part likes to sit back, relax, and read. L.S. likes to splash, and make bubble disguises, and play with bath toys. This is especially wonderful if Daddy is there with her, making sure she doesn't drown or spread water too far across the floor. She also adores coloring, and cartoons, and playing at the playground. She is old enough that sucking her thumb should be a thing of the past, but young enough to slip back into the habit for comfort when she is feeling vulnerable.

L.S. is sensitive to Daddy's approval. When he expressed a displeasure at enduring her My Little Pony birthday party, it cast a shadow on the whole event. She is unquestioningly a Daddy's girl. Pleasing Daddy and spending time with him are her life goals. She needs discipline and teaching, not because she is bad, but because she doesn't know yet. A lack of boundaries confuses L.S.. She does push and test, but it is a means of discovery.

Do not expect L.S. to take care of herself. While some basic things are within her means, she is not an adult. She can dress on her own, but it may not be appropriate for the weather or event. She can make a sandwich, but it is probably going to be a mess to clean up after.

If Daddy is not around, or not behaving in a parental role, L.S. is very likely to hide. My adult brain kicks in, and L.S. curls up to cry. It is hard to hold on to L.S. if I feel like there is no responsible adult around to keep things in line. (If my Daddy starts acting like another child instead of a parent, I will flip out of L.S. and into adult space.) This is not to say that I want to abdicate all responsibility and be taken care of all day, every day. Only that perhaps care might be taken with this part of me. If she is neglected, it gets harder and harder to bring her back.

Being my Daddy is not all about parenting skills, though. Sometimes... Sometimes it's about being a bad, bad man.

Seducing L.S. is not the same as seducing an adult. If she is treated as an adult, she gets confused and retreats. L.S. is excited by promises of candy or toys. She is curious, and eager to learn. She is also sensitive, and easily frightened.

I like the idea of L.S. being overpowered. She'd be afraid. I like the idea of Daddy taking her anyway, taking whatever he wants without regard. Part of the appeal of being Little is that sense of helplessness.


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